Kisses For Kycie

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Entering the Storm

Joshua Terry5 Comments

I recently finished The Martian by Andy Weir.  The book takes place in the future and is about an astronaut named Mark Watney who is stranded on Mars.  At one point in the book, Mark enters a deadly dust storm without even knowing it.  The dust is so fine and the storm begins so subtly that the experienced astronaut is completely unaware of the danger he is walking into.  So he keeps walking.  

January 25th, 2015 - The start of another typical week.  Church starts at 9:00 am.  Kycie went to sacrament meeting for an hour and then singing and sharing time for the next two hours.  After church Kycie had her usual after church snack of chips-n-cheese-n-salsa and a drink of milk.  She then cuddled up next me and Jamie on the couch.  She said she had a headache and laid quietly next to us.  After a few minutes she closed her eyes and fell asleep.  Soon there  after, the noise of wrestling boys woke her up.  Not wanting to be left out, Kycie jumped up and headed upstairs.  A little while later she came to the banister crying that the boys were being mean to her.  This was not like Kycie, she constantly was being teased by her older brothers but it never made her cry.  Having 5 boys and 1 girl, Jamie and I had been warned many times about the "drama" little girls bring.  Kycie was never dramatic.  She could entertain herself for hours playing with toys in the front room.  If someone took her toy she simply found another one to play with.  Several days before, Kycie came to me and Jamie crying that Keaton would not let her play with him.  Jamie turned to me and said, "is this the beginning of her girl drama?"  We had no idea that her body was slowly being sapped of energy, causing her to be irritable and emotional.  

Feeding the ducks - January 23rd

Feeding the ducks - January 23rd

Kycie and Boston laying on Jamie after church.  Kycie had just complained of a headache.

Kycie and Boston laying on Jamie after church.  Kycie had just complained of a headache.

January 26th, 2015 - Every day Kycie would look forward to going to preschool.  She would always ask Jamie, "what do I have today?"  Monday morning Kycie woke and told Jamie she didn't feel good enough to go to school.  The first time she had ever missed school due to an illness.  Jamie already had plans, so a babysitter came to watch Kycie and Boston.  When Jamie got home the babysitter told her that Kycie had thrown up a little in her hands.  Looks like Kycie has the flu.  Jamie got her a sippy cup of Sprite and a blanket.  Kycie slept off and on the rest of the day, eating nothing and only drinking her Spite or water.

Post from Jamie January 27th, 2015:  "This sweet girl has done nothing but sleep for two days straight.  She is one sick girlie and it breaks my heart.  The flu bug stinks and I wish it would leave."

Tuesday, January 27th - On Tuesday our 8 year old Daxton didn't go to school.  He was complaining of a stomach ache and sore throat and Kycie still wasn't feeling well.  Jamie called the doctors office and explained what was going on.  They said if the kids are not feeling better by tomorrow to bring them in.  Both kids had completely lost their appetite and would not eat anything.  They would only take sips of water or Sprite.  I really wasn't alarmed by the amount of liquid Kycie was drinking.  I was more concerned that she wan't eating anything.  I didn't notice any other symptoms other than stomachache, loss of appetite and headache.  She never requested something to drink, she either got it on her own or if we noticed the kids cups were empty we would fill them.

It breaks my heart to think of how sick she was and that I didn't realize it.  There wasn't a day that passed in the hospital or after we got Kycie home that I wouldn't hug her and tell her how sorry I was.  I am sorry I missed it.  I'm so sorry that I cannot fix this.  I am sorry that I let you walk right into the storm.  

A few weeks ago I stopped by Kycie's grave.  There was a beanie boo under her sign with dirt and grass clippings all over it.  With tears in my eyes I slowly picked off the blades of grass and spoke out loud as if she was right next to me.  "Your stuffed animal is all dirty.  Let me clean it for you."  I put the small stuffed animal with big eyes back safely into the center of her wreath.  I could feel my boat being tossed violently in the dark storm like it had so many times before over the last 9 months.  Slowly, the waves calm and a still small voice whispers "In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world" (John 16:33).  President Howard W. Hunter wrote, "But Jesus was not spared grief and pain and anguish and buffeting.  No tongue can speak the unutterable burden he carried, nor have the wisdom to understand the prophet Isaiah's description of him as "a man of sorrows." (Isa. 53.3.)  His ship was tossed most of his life, and, at least to mortal eyes, it crashed fatally on the rocky coast of Calvary.  We are asked not to look on life with mortal eyes; with spiritual vision we know something quite different was happening upon the cross."

To mortal eyes, it appears like our boat is starting to sink.