Kisses For Kycie

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A Difficult Reflection - January 29th

Joshua Terry5 Comments

Post From Jamie @kisses4kycie:  One more sick kid + a crazy busy toddler = one tired momma.  It's a good thing Bossy is so cute because he is one naughty boy!  @jjterry77

 Bryton (12) sick with sore throat and loss of appetite.

Bryton (12) sick with sore throat and loss of appetite.

When I think back on everything that has happened, Thursday January 29th is the most difficult for me.  I have heard the advice, I know how I am "supposed" to feel, but it is what it is.  When it comes to what I could have/should have done different, Thursday will always haunt me.

I was working in Nevada that afternoon when Jamie called.  "Something is not right.  Kycie is not getting better."  I reminded Jamie that she hadn't even been on her antibiotic for a full 24 hours yet and she cannot expect Kycie to improve that fast.  Daxton was feeling better and went back to school.  Our oldest boy is now complaining of a sore throat and feels like he is going to throw up.  I told Jamie to keep Kycie hydrated and keep trying to get her to eat something.  Caliente, NV is 110 miles from St. George, UT.  It takes just under two hours to get home.  I also lose an hour because the two states are in different time zones.  I had to rush home because I had a church basketball game that night at 8:00.

I got home just in time to change and get to the church for our game.  Kycie was asleep on the couch and Bryton was watching TV sipping on a drink.  The game got over just after 9:00.  Jamie pulled into the house just after I got home.  She had been running errands.  9:00 is usually pretty hectic at our house.  We have a set of things we would like to accomplish before 9:30.  Everyone shower or have a bath.  All homework must be finished.  Kitchen and living room picked up.  Read scriptures.  Family prayer.  Kids upstairs to brush their teeth and then everyone to bed.  So at 9:00 the kitchen was a mess, the living room had blankets and clothes all over, no one had showered and someone forgot they still had homework.  

I was cleaning up the kitchen when Bryton asked if I would toast him a bagel.  This is when my first red flag went off.  Bryton just started feeling ill this morning, and 12 hours later he is ready to eat something.  Kycie has eaten very little since Monday.  Right about then Kycie came out of the pantry crying because we were out of Sprite.  I knelt down and gave her a hug.  I begged her to eat something. Anything!  She tearfully said she would like a bowl of mini wheats. I poured the bowl full of cereal and filled it with milk.  Kycie blankly stared at the bowl then tipped it up and started to drink the milk.  

I couldn't believe it.  She hasn't eaten anything in days and all she will do is drink her milk.  I was worried, I was frustrated and I was growing impatient.  Not impatient with Kycie, but inside myself I could feel anxiety start to build.  Kycie looked horrible.  This was the first time I really noticed how bad she looked.  I grabbed a piece of cereal and held it to her mouth.  "Please Kycie, just eat one."  Sissy was so trusting, she would do anything I asked her to.  She never talked back, she always had a smile, and she was rarely sad.  Not wanting to disappoint her dad, she slowly opened her mouth so I could put the little mini wheat on her tongue.  I stopped cold before I got the cereal to her mouth.  

There was a green film all over Kycie's tongue.  I don't remember smelling Ketone's (fruity breath) but I'm sure she had them.  I had her open her mouth wider.  This film was all over inside her mouth.  I asked her if her mouth or throat hurt and she said no.  I was confused, I had never seen anything like that.  I jumped on my phone and googled several different key words that might give me a clue.  The first six or so hits talked about "did you recently start an antibiotic?"  I guess that makes sense.  An antibiotic can kill beneficial organisms and cause thrush, but it still didn't feel right.  Bells were going off in my head but I couldn't put it together.  I called a friend of mine whom I just got done playing basketball with.  He was a dentist, maybe he will know.  I did my best to describe it over the phone and he asked if she had recently started an antibiotic.  We agreed that it was strange and that she needs to get it checked out in the morning.  

The residue in Kycie's mouth was thrush.  Thrush is the common name for yeast infections caused by the microorganism Canidia albicans.  Oral thrush can present as white, creamy-looking lesions on the inside of the cheeks and on the tongue.  I do not know why Kycie's looked green, but the infection was all over her gums, back of her throat and tonsils.  The white lesions seen in the back of her throat the day before was also thrush, but assumed to be a strep infection.  With Kycie's high blood glucose, she also had high levels of glucose in her saliva.  The increase in glucose provides abundant food source for Candida.  This, combined with taking the antibiotic, caused an explosion in the microorganism.

About this time Jamie walked by and I quickly showed her the inside of Kycie's mouth.  Jamie then alerted me to another concerning finding.  She took Kycie's shirt off and she was skin and bone.  You could see each rib and the ridges of her spine.  I couldn't believe the amount of weight she had lost.  Kycie hadn't eaten much of anything since Sunday night.  So I would expect her to have lost weight, but she honestly looked anorexic.  As we got Kycie ready for bed I told Jamie, "First thing in the morning you go right to the doctors office.  If you just show up they should see you.  If they won't see you, then go the the ER." 

It had been a long two days away from home, working on the road.  The kids were all ready for bed and so was I.  As usual, Kycie asked if she could sleep by us.  Fearing that she had the flu, we were having Kycie sleep on the floor in our room.   I always go back to that night in my head.  Things I wish I would have done different.  I wish I would have let her sleep between us one more time.  To have just one more night with my little girl.  Kycie woke up twice during the night and threw up.  I was half asleep, but I remember holding her hair as she dry heaved into the toilet.  Then she would cry for more Sprite.  We were out of Sprite, so I filled her cup up with water.  Later she woke up again, threw up, and asked for more water.

Now that I know how incredibly sick Kycie was, I wish I would have just taken her to the ER that night.  It may not have changed things, but I would not have the same guilt.  I gave Kycie everything I had when she was sick.  Jamie and I vowed to never leave her side and to be by her till the end.  But on Thursday night I failed Kycie.  Everyday in the hospital and again when we got her home I told Kycie that I was sorry.  Cheeks wet from tears I would press the side of my face to hers. I'm sorry I could not piece it all together sooner.  I'm sorry you have to go through this.  I'm sorry I wasn't with you in flight and on the ambulance.  I'm sorry I couldn't be with you and your mom at the ER in SLC.  I'm so so sorry Sissy!  I know she didn't blame me. I know she was chosen before she was born. I know where she is and what she is doing. Even with this knowledge, January  29th will always haunt me.  

Other than that Thursday night, there is not a single thing I regret in taking care of Kycie.  Every day forward Jamie and I tried our best to act on the promptings of the Holy Ghost. The windows of heaven opened as we prayed to know what to do.